Fairy Tale Displacement

“So, I’m like walking into the parking garage at the hospital and this guy walks up to me and says ‘hey there pretty lady.’ And I’m like ew, but then like, hey he’s kinda cute. Anyway… they he said…”

“So where you headed?”

“And I’m like, I’m going home. Then he was like…”

“I see. And what brings you to the hospital so late at night?”

“I told him everything of course, he had to be like twice my age, and I just felt so lucky to be talking to him. I mean like seriously Amy, he was gorgeous!”

Amy asked: “Oh my god! How exciting! Was he more like a Brad or a Tom?”

“Totally Brad, Tom is gross. Isn’t he like 50?!”

“I totally think so, anyway, what happened next?”

“And so he was like…”

“Oh that’s too bad, do you need a safe escort to your car?”

“And I’m like, sure, that would be super, you never know who is prowling around these places at night. Then he was like…”

“You look thirsty; do you want some water or something? I have some bottles in my car, it’s right over here.”

“And I was like, yeah actually I’m mega thirsty, and hungry too. And he was like…”

“I just went to the natural market and got these roots, they are supposed to make you skinny with just one bite.”

“And I was like oh my god! He thinks I’m fat! So I totally ate some, but not just one, like 5. I felt like such a pig! But then I started to feel really weird and the garage started swimming and the next thing I knew I was in this really dark place. I felt all like claustrophobic-like and really sick. But I started screaming as loud as I could and finally I heard some yelling, then this really loud banging and suddenly light came in and I realized that I was in a trunk of a car. And I was like ewww, I have no idea what is in here, it totally smells. Anyway, a police dude opened the door, he was totally a Tom! Really old and wrinkly. And told me that I had been kidnapped and asked if I was ok. Then my mom was there, and the cop started asking me what I remembered and I told him the whole story. About how I just went to visit my grandma in the hospital and sneak her in some wine, she always said that it was the alcohol that made her feel better; she is like totally addicted or something. And that I met a guy in the garage and he was really hot and I ate some root or something and that was all I remember. Later the cop told my mom that the plant was called something about a wolf and that the man had been going around abducting young girls from parking garages that drove red cars. The whole thing was really weird; too bad he was so hot.”


*Aconitum or wolfsbane puts you into a sleep like state if you have enough of it in your system